The Baby Plague

Creepy Crawlers 

I think people are afraid of babies. Lord knows I was... with their horrific crying and inability to  carry out a good conversation... I always felt like a flat footed ballerina in their presence. All of this has changed of course, but I'll get to that a little bit later.

A century ago I would of been an old lady new mom, but now, at the tender age of 28, I'm the first amongst my good friends to have a little one. I can tell that they don't know what to do. As the shock of pregnancy and the excitement of birth has worn off, I have noticed a dramatic decline in my social life. At first I assumed that they thought pregnancy was contagious and considered doing lectures on the birds & the bees. However, after more thought, I realized that it's simply that they aren't doing any "baby-friendly" activities. The kind of debauchery and shenanigans that my favorite people get into isn't exactly for the faint of heart or young of age. I use to wonder where all the children were when I was biking around town going to happy hours, art shows, & film-fests. I now know where they are... they are at parks & playgrounds... which is exactly where I was today, alone with my little guy.

I understand the fear of babies. Personally I was terrified at the very thought of them. They were right up their with ghosts, spiders, and zombies as the world's most terrifying inventions. But, as fear often does, with knowledge this has dissipated. My little man is by far the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I look at him & feel so lucky to get to hang out with him everyday. I understand now why parents post YouTube videos of their kids farting and doing mundane things... it's because in the love struck eyes of an enamored parent, it's pure magic. However, while I'm bursting with all of this insane love & admiration, I also feel pretty alone.

It takes a village to raise a child

Some people come from big loud families with children at every angle bouncing off the walls. I have always fantasized about such a house but in reality am the youngest of two and am apparently the only one that is having any children. As previously mentioned, my friends haven't been very family oriented either. While I was going to ultra-sound and prenatal visits my best friends were going through break-ups, abortions, & sexual revolutions. Post birth the gap has only widened.

I think this feeling of aloneness has been heightened by the fact that I am now what the world refers to as a stay-at-home-mom. While I enjoy the lack of traffic on weekday mid-afternoons, I do miss the social interaction & intellectual stimulation of working. In my previous life I was an ESL teacher working with people from all over of the world. Now I find myself having very one sided conversations with my infant son who really just looks at me intently with an expression of curious confusion. Anytime, I bring up these emotions to my partner he refers me to the First World Problem Meme. I giggle and know what he is getting at but emotions, however irrational, have a life of their own. While I am happy to have all this precious time with the most important person in my world, I am also burdened by the realization that most everyone else I know works and is therefore unavailable for the lunch in park play dates.

Wrapping it up - pun intended 

I know what you're thinking.... it is time to realize that my life has changed and to find new hot mama friends. I've met quite a few and feel blessed to have them... and I promise to make it to baby sign language classes and the work-out stroller mom meet-ups... but in reality, though I am social and love people, I don't make new friends so easily. Though I'd like to think of myself as fickle, adventurous, and outgoing, I am actually pretty loyal. If service & a dish is good at a particular restaurant, I will go back there and order that dish forever. I think the only thing left for me to do is to put pin holes in my friends condoms so that we can share in the joys of parenting together.