The question I get asked most is, "How does it feel to be a mom?" I always reply, "Euphoric and exhausting" but I thought I should elaborate. Now I know there might be someone reading out there with five kids of various ages thinking, "Bitch, please." I know I'm only 7 months in but in reality just as soon as that seed is planted the shift begins to happen.
I remember how I felt the next morning after his birth, I was taking a shower, cleaning off all the blood and goo... after such a long labor and all the pains and concerns of pregnancy, he was finally here. I remember feeling transformed, like I had just become younger. My skin felt new again. I was sleep deprived, drained, invigorated and refreshed all at the same time. Only later did I learn that the birthing process, if done vaginally, actually purges your body of toxins and cleanses you from the inside out.
I feel that becoming a parent offers an amazing opportunity to really be the best person you can be. It pushes you to your limits emotionally and physically but the reward, this insane unconditional life-changing love, is the greatest gift imaginable.
We are programmed to love in this way, it is natural and I'm certain that it is shared by every species on the planet. I feel so deeply saddened when I see people ignore their instincts to love. It such a loss, not just for the child but for the parents as well, it is like slapping life in the face. Life is here offering this amazing gift and so often I see people suppressing their natural instincts, ignoring what is pure and true in search for what is plastic and artificial. But back to the point...
How this feels... right now it is an all consuming, life-altering thing. I look at him and my heart expands. Our house has become like a precious moments cartoon and I feel like I understand musicals and cartoons and everything I loved as a child again. It is very pure. I feel so fortunate because I get to be a full time mama. Soon I will go back to work and he will go to school and life will shift again but right now I'm all in, head first, and head over heels. I know intuitively that what is happening now is shaping his subconscious. My main concern is that he is healthy and happy and feels secure and cared for.
In all honesty, there are some luxuries in life that I know I won't get to do for a long time and I don't know if I really appreciated them renough. If you are reading this and are not yet a parent I want you to remember this... the next time you decide to go somewhere and then simply get in your car/ hop on your bike and roll ... wOw, savor that! Taste the freedom, let it linger on your lips and rush through your bones. For me, it's not that simple, there is the diaper bag, the changing (did he go to the bathroom yet, is he going to poo when we are out?) the timing (is it fussy time?) the car seat, the location (are kids allowed/welcomed) etc. As he is getting older it is getting easier but those first few months are like boot camp.
The next time you wake up half naked on some beach somewhere with foggy memories of the night before racing through your mind with some attractive stranger rubbing their eyes next to you, count your blessings, that is over for me. If this has never happened to you, don't have kids yet. In fact, my advice is to do everything you ever wanted to do or have been too afraid to do before you have kids. Go travel the world, quit your boring desk job, pursue your dreams, experiment with drugs... do it now before you have the weight of a dependent on your shoulders because good parenting requires a certain amount of selflessness that comes from life experience and sowing those wild oats.
Luckily for me I felt like I have had the luxury to be wild and carefree and I'm realizing now that the mistakes I've made are serving a very powerful purpose of making me a better parent today. When you do decide to be a parent I recommend that you give it your all. Play with your baby, try to see things through their eyes, everything is new and fascinating. Become curious again, remember they cry to communicate and it can be frustrating to see something so cool and not be able to walk over and get it or to have teeth cutting through your gums. Be compassionate, be patient, and above all follow your natural instinct and Love Love Love. When you let the love wash over you it can heal everything!
As I write I feel like these things always wrap up like the ending to a Jerry Springer episode. I don't mean to get all 'advicy' (if that's a word) but the lessons just come clear to me with the reflection of writing. Thanks for reading!
really insightful.. a great read...
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